INTHEBLACK November 2025 - Magazine - Page 52
WORK SMART
“Being able to say ‘no’ is based on initiating positive dialogue
in your workplace with your team leader and with your team
around what you are doing, what you are contributing and
how you spend your time.”
JOHN COOKSEY, CONFIDENT PERFORMANCE
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52 INTHEBLACK November 2025
and how you spend your time,” says
John Cooksey, business psychologist
at Confident Performance. “That should provide
context for both parties in terms of whether
you should say ‘no’ or even if you should be
asked to do something in the first place.”
Regardless of how the “no” is delivered,
Cooksey says the important thing is to
remain professional, especially when being
asked to complete a task by someone who
may not be aware of your full workload.
This can easily happen in organisations where
managers have authority to assign work
to dotted line reports.
“It is important to be able to say ‘no’ with
as little emotion as possible. You can be
assertive and empathetic, while also
suggesting alternatives or improvements
to the solution being proposed,” Cooksey says.
Similarly, leadership coach and author
of The Empathy Gap, Daniel Murray, explains
that saying “no” with a smile goes a long way.
“We don’t want to let people down, so we
think we should say ‘yes’. Saying ‘no’ with
a smile can help you feel like you’re not
disappointing whoever is making the request,”
he says.
THE IMPORTANCE OF FRAMING
When it comes to assertive communication
in the office, another tip is to reframe the
response when saying “no”.
“When someone asks us to do something,
often the reality is we can’t. We tend to say
‘yes’ and regret it because we don’t actually
have time. Then, we struggle to do the work
or we don’t do a very good job, or we become
frustrated and resent the person who asked
us to do it,” Murray says.
“In fact, we lie to them because we don’t
have the capacity to take on the job.
Unless we want to represent ourselves
as liars, we need to take ownership,” he says.
Rather than saying “yes” when someone
makes a request, be honest from the start.
Murray recommends using the acronym
SQRT (pronounced squirt), which stands
for scope, quality, resources and time,
to negotiate an overwhelming task.
“You could say, ‘It sounds like what
you’ve asked me to do is increase the scope
of the project and I can do that. But I need
to either reduce the quality, increase the
resources or increase the time to complete it.
What would you like to do?’,” he advises.
That creates clarity about the request,
its implications and the consequences,
effectively putting the choice back in the
client’s or manager’s hands. Without taking
this step, the choice about how to best
approach the task is taken out of the hands
of the person enacting the work.
“That is where framing becomes important.
Sometimes saying ‘no’ is about being honest
and open with people so they can make
a better decision,” Murray says.
ALWAYS ASSUME GOOD INTENT
While it is easy to become irritated when
asked to do something outside an initial brief,
it is important to assume the person making
the request is doing so with good intent.
“They’ve asked you because they need
some help, and they think you’re a good
person to help them,” Murray notes. “It’s nice
to be thought of that way. So, if you can’t
help them, reply with kindness and
reciprocate that good intent.”
While it can feel uncomfortable to reject
a request, there are ways to approach effective
refusal so that all parties leave the interaction
better off. The idea is to be respectful
and professional, and achieve an outcome
that is positive for everyone. ■
