INTHEBLACK February 2023 - Magazine - Page 41
the last people to acknowledge that they
have an issue. They keep doubling down on
their ‘perfection’.”
Unfortunately, many people find themselves
at the receiving end of a narcissist’s negative
feelings and think they must tolerate it to
maintain their employment.
“The workplace is full of narcissists,” says
Bunting. “Why? Because narcissists have a
particular skill set, which is to ignore your
feelings and push for what they want. They
are very good at self-promoting, and often
the game to climb the corporate ladder
involves self-promoting.”
WORKPLACE MANIPULATION
Love bombing most often manifests in
manager–employee relationships when
the employee is new to the company. The
new employee is naturally keen to make
friendships and be accepted by their
colleagues, which makes them a vulnerable
target. A manager may ask the employee for
a coffee on their first day – and every single
day thereafter – and lavish them with praise
in front of other colleagues. The victim may
start to feel embarrassed and worried that
their new colleagues resent them for being
the clear favourite.
“It starts off as being not much different
from other relationships, in terms of it
simply being positive,” says Peta Slocombe,
psychologist and CEO of Performance Story.
“There are moments when it feels really
good. You get positive feedback from your
boss, and you’re walking on air – it is only
further down the track that you realise there
was a price for it.”
After the praise comes the silent treatment,
or being passed over for a promotion that
had been promised earlier, explains Athena
Ali, career coach and founder of The Get
Noticed Coach.
“It happens because you asked for
something, or maybe you had a different
opinion [from them]. All of a sudden, you’re
not their favourite person anymore,” Ali says.
Ali has experienced love bombing in
the workplace first-hand.
“It had a terrible effect,” she says. “Love
bombing affects the rest of the organisation,
too. The victim either doesn’t get their work
done, or it is done under fear. The person
doing the love bombing spreads a culture of
fear, and people who see it happening are too
scared to call it out.”
Slocombe regards love bombing in the
workplace as more insidious than when it
occurs in romantic relationships, because
“Love bombing affects the rest of the
organisation, too. The victim either doesn’t
get their work done, or it is done under fear.
The person doing the love bombing spreads
a culture of fear, and people who see it
happening are too scared to call it out.”
ATHENA ALI, THE GET NOTICED COACH
professional relationships count on impression
management and the ability to influence
people to achieve success. The love bomber is
taking advantage of another person’s newness
and desire to be perceived well.
“It is insidious, because love bombing
appears to be synonymous with success
and integration early on at a new role,”
says Slocombe.
Instead of the relationship becoming less
intense as the new employee finds their
feet, love bombers tend to step up their
affections. As Slocombe explains, this stage is
sometimes referred to as “grooming”, because
there is a specific intent to increase contact.
It is, essentially, a period of manipulation.
HOW TO SPOT LOVE BOMBING
It can be difficult to distinguish between
genuine praise and patterns of love bombing
in the workplace. It is especially difficult for a
new team member who is unfamiliar with the
personalities of their new colleagues.
One of the first red flags a person may
notice is that the feedback is overwhelmingly
positive, says Slocombe. It is simply
unrealistic that a manager would bestow a
person with preferential treatment and only
praise, even if they are new.
Another red flag is if the surfeit of praise
continues for more than a few days.
The telltale sign is when, suddenly, without
an apparent explanation, the relationship sours.
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